“To the naked eye, they may seem like you and me”, says famed Doctor of Animalogistics, Martin Lukewarmer, “but they are actually a clear genetic mixture of the common domestic sheep (Ovis aries) and common human (Homo sapien).”
Dr. Lukewarmer grew up on a farm in New Zealand before coming to the United States to study DNA mixtures of differing species. Although his main focus has been on sheeple (Homo aries).
“It’s not surprising in the least to find such amazing results. In lab test after lab test, there was a clear connection in people who are just wrong about everything and whether or not they were part sheep. For example, if they believed, incorrectly, that 9/11 was the work of terrorists, they were part sheep. If they believed, incorrectly, that vaccinations don’t cause Super-AIDS, they were part sheep. If they believed, incorrectly, that our lizard overlords don’t want to eat us, you guessed it…part sheep. The list goes on and on.”
“What we have here is yet another worldwide epidemic,” said Dr. Lukewarmer staring intently at a photo of a freshly sheared sheep on his desk. “Now what do we do about it? We could tell everyone about it. But they won’t listen. Because you know, they’re sheeple.” He sighed heavily, looked at the photo again and licked his lips.